Especially if my children find them first — Some days, I’m terrified that I will be left drooling in a hospital bed, conscious enough to know my kids are lined up to bop me on the head in retribution for the words that they may feel that I’ve hit them with for decades. I’ve been writing journals for…

this might put you over the edge. — When I taught English (on a good day) to high school juniors, I always wished I could let them conjugate the verb “to fuck.” That would have held their attention…at least for awhile until I explained “conjugating verbs” isn’t anything like having sex in prison. But, since we couldn’t afford…

With apologies to Emily — I’m Depressed! Do you know me? Are you Depressed too? Then there’s two of us! Let’s shout it out! People may judge us, you know! How lucky to have anti-depressants and therapists, But when we’re not public We confirm the stigma. Several days ago, Jason Provencio of Bouncin’ and Behavin’…

Not unless it tells us where Jimmy Hoffa is buried and that Elvis is alive — First, my disclaimer…any other day I would rather eat raw liver than express my political views. But I find myself growing more and more apprehensive about the world we’re leaving for my grandchildren. So, we can agree to disagree on things that make me wish we had colonies on the…

Spend three weeks together in a 17' RV, then let me know. — Before my husband and I ventured out on our first RV trip, I sent this text to my adult kids: “If only one of us comes home, DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS.” No questions needed. We both arrived home. Despite the journey, not because of it. After almost thirty years together…

I suppose I’d be in rehab. — According to Jason Selk, writer for Forbes, I’m the poster child for mental weakness and — possibly, worse yet, I’m normal. “When normal people achieve success, they have the tendency to stop doing the activities that caused the success. This is called the “seduction of success.” When mentally tough people…

Words you don’t ever expect to hear yourself saying. — Being an alcoholic was never on my “Things I Want to be When I Grow Up”list (neither was being three inches shy of five feet tall), but I didn’t escape that either. Now, with the perspective of over thirty-two years of living sober, I realize I drank like an alcoholic…

Highway to hell or staircase to heaven? — 1 You have an idea. 2 You begin to write (what you hope will be) a book. 3 After the first two chapters, you are so smitten with your own genius, you pause to jot down the names of actors and actresses who will ([consider themselves lucky to) portray your…